WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE CONTACT!

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We’re all aware that Twitter is a more casual social network in which the users are given license to be informal in their tweets, content and communication.  This is evident when viewing things such as #TwitterAfterDark twitpics and tweets from porno stars that shamelessly use Twitter to advertise their latest gang bang, orgy or escort services.  A tweet is only 140 characters, so it’s not as if one is actually going to engage in any deep thoughts or highly intellectual, stimulating conversation.  If someone does offer up something intelligent and thought provoking, it’s a hyperlink that gets overlooked.  Why does the nerd’s content disappear into oblivion?  The reason is that all the other users just can’t stop tweeting about things like the unbelievable celebrity camel toe or a girl burning her hair off while demonstrating a new curling iron.  What I’m saying is because there are no real rules and regulations on Twitter, the users miss any and every social cue, social skill, and manners.  Which leads me to my pet peeve:

Hot messes that utilize Twitter to reach out to celebrities as if they are the famous person’s dude, girl, homies, bestie, bros, whatever … and actually hope that the celebrity is going to genuinely reach out and give a shit.

That’s not gonna happen, unless maybe you’re suicidal and Demi Moore happens to read your suicidal tweet (two and counting) on a day she wasn’t doing whip-its or Lady Gaga  happens to find one in 40, 120, 586 (and counting) monsters, who happens to have access to a luxury high-rise, and lets her know that Perez Hilton is stalking her apartment building.  This is an exception to the rule, otherwise known as a celebrity PR stunt, which actually encourages the hot messes to continue on with their senseless ill-communication.  When I log in to my Twitter account, the timeline is polluted with incessant forms of personal engagement from fools who talk to celebrities, advise celebrities, offer themselves for employment to celebrities, etc., etc.  I think you get what I’m talking about.  Here’s the catch, more times than not, these tweets go unacknowledged with the exception of the aforementioned celebrity responses.

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These desperate individuals never give up!  It’s rather pathetic.  Let’s say this guy at a bar is hot for another guy and says hello to him.  Follow this scenario as I’m gay, this is my blog post and I don’t feel compelled to make it hetero-normative.  So he’s at the gay bar, says his hello to a guy who’d probably never be interested in him unless his net worth was public knowledge on Forbes.com.  The guy clearly hears him, however, he doesn’t acknowledge the greeting and walks to the other side of the bar.  Not to be undermined, the guy then follows the object of his affection and asks him if he wants a drink.  The object of his affection orders his own drink, looks at him and keeps it moving.  After finishing his drink alone, the what I will now refer to as a stalker, follows the object of his affection to another corner of the bar and asks him if he wants to dance.  The object of his affection looks at him and keeps it moving.  I think you’re getting my point here.  Eventually, the pursuer will get the social cues that the other guy has nothing to say and is not interested in engaging in conversation with him.  Well, hopefully, that is unless the would-be stalker is wandering around in a drunken haze at XL on a Friday night and the alcohol fuels his perseverance.  If only this were the case in Twitterland.  These messes never get the point!  Day in and day out, they continue to “What’s up?” “Listening to your …” “Will you please just retweet ….” to their favorite celebrities over and over and over.  When you actually view the hot mess’s profile, it’s polluted with endless, failed attempts to make contact.  Their chances of being abducted and probed by aliens is greater than the celebrity affirmation they seek.  I often wander if all these desperate people who engage in the shameless shout-outs actually behave like this in real life?  Are they like the guy at the bar?  Do they stalk their exes?  Do they even have a social life and friends outside of the virtual reality realm?  Finally, do they ever get the hell off of Twitter and actually talk to people in real-time whom may actually want to engage in an authentic conversation?  In this virtual world, these tweets could be a matter of context collapse as cited by Michael Wesch in his lecture, An Anthropological Introduction to YouTube.   Maybe their not really are a hot mess, maybe they have Twitter Tourette syndrome or maybe they’re just a loving fan … I guess we’ll never really know …

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